a Lesson in Logic
by Zooie
Summary: There's only one thing scarier than Heero's logic: Duo's.


Disclaimer: My curtains are red. C-Span is dull. G Wing isn't mine. My profits are null. 

  


Based on "the Ernie and Bert Book," which was my favorite as a toddler.

A Lesson in Logic

  


In a safe house, sometime during the war...

Late one afternoon, Heero Yuy was sitting at his laptop, happily typing away. The only noises to be heard were the ticking of the clock on the wall and the birds chirping outside the window. Compared to the dorms in which he had been staying as of late, the house seemed almost surreally quiet. The adolescent-induced chaos that he had grown used to tolerating was now just a not-so-pleasant memory, no more bothersome than the mosquito bite on his right ankle. Absently rubbing the bite against his chair leg, Heero smirked and reveled in the silence.

  


Little did Heero know that the lull was about to end.

  


Creeping quietly into the living room, Duo Maxwell tiptoed to where Heero sat on the couch, esconced in computer-induced obliviousness. He held in his hands a metal cooking pot. Coming up behind his fellow pilot, Duo settled the pot atop the tangled hair and grinned.

  


"Here, Heero. Put this on," he instructed.

  


Heero glared and removed the pot from his head, standing abruptly. "Duo, why should I put a pot on my head?" he demanded. 

Duo sighed heavily. "Because I shredded the cereal box, Heero," he explained, pulling the tattered remains of a cardboard box from his pockets and dumping them into the pot.

  


Heero frowned. "So what?" 

  


Instead of answering, Duo left the room, returning shortly with a ceramic jar. "So I put the cereal in the rice jar," he announced, shoving the jar into Heero's free hand.

  


"Cereal in a rice jar?" Heero was confused and slightly dismayed. "Where did you put the rice?!"

  


"I'll show ya, Heero!" Duo darted away and returned toting a bright yellow jug. "I put the rice in the laundry detergent bottle," he smiled ingeniously.

  


Heero wasn't certain, but he had the feeling that was less than sanitary. He found himself becoming rather annoyed. "Rice in a laundry detergent bottle? DARE I ASK WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DETERGENT?"

  


Oblivious to Heero's anger, Duo continued smiling and shoved the laundry detergent into Heero's arms. "Sure, Heero, and I'll show ya!" He skipped into the hallway, returning after only a few seconds. "I put the detergent in the flower vase!"

  


"Oh, no, Duo! What did you do with the flower?!" Heero gaped. 

  


"I'll show ya, Heero!" Duo's eyes lit up and he balanced the vase atop the detergent, scampering quickly away in the direction of the bathroom.

  


"I'm not sure I want to see..." Heero groaned, starting to feel slightly shell-shocked.

  


Duo returned before he had had much time to panic. "I put the flower in the toothbrush holder, Heero!" 

  


Heero's jaw dropped. 

  


Duo took it as a sign of approval. "You want me to tell you what I did with the toothbrushes?" he asked hopefully. 

  


Heero nodded mutely, accepting the toothbrush holder into his arms as Duo dashed into the dining room.

  


"I put the toothbrushes in the fruit bowl!" he laughed, balancing the bowl atop Heero's head. "And I put the fruit..." he reached into his back pocket...

  


"IN AN ICE CREAM CONE?" Heero yelped.

  


"Right, Heero! Here they are!" He placed the cone in the fruit bowl right alongside the toothbrushes.

  


"Duo," Heero asked in an eerily calm voice. "where are the scoops of ice cream?"

  


Duo grinned. "I thought you'd never ask!" He proceeded to the kitchen and emerged holding an item in each hand. "The ice cream is in the egg carton. And the eggs... are in the soap dish!" He added both items to the growing cornucopia of household paraphernalia clutched in Heero's arms.

  


"Duo, I'm trying to be calm, but..." Heero breathed, bending forward with the weight of his burdens. "WHERE DID YOU PUT THE SOAP?!"

  


Duo calmly reached into his pocket. "In your bullet clip, of course." 

  


"NOW I HAVE NO PLACE FOR MY BULLETS!" Heero bellowed, his face turning an interesting shade of red.

  


"Sure ya have, Heero!" Duo chirped, shoving the clip into Heero's back pocket. He entered the kitchen once more and returned with a glass bowl. "IN THE FISHBOWL, HEERO!" he explained, balancing the bowl on Heero's hunched back.

  


Heero closed his eyes and tried for patience. "Duo, now where are the fish?!"

  


Duo bent and reached behind the sofa. "The fish are in your space helmet."

  


"IN MY SPACE HELMET?! NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR WHEN I GO TO SPACE?!" Heero roared. 

  


"I'll show ya, Heero," Duo said with complete innocence. He reached out and pulled the pot from Heero's hand, causing everything to crash to the ground. "Ride 'em, space cowboy!" he drawled, settling the pot atop his partner's very befuddled head.

  


-fin- 


End file.
